The 100 is one of the few shows I actually keep up with on a weekly basis. I’ve fallen behind on everything else, but not The 100. There are various reasons why I’m super into this show. One, I love the diverse characters. Two, Ilian. Three, the clans remind me of Mandalorians from Star Wars. Four, Ilian. Five, I love how it constantly keeps me on the edge of my seat.

This week’s episode, “Die All, Die Merrily,” was no exception.

The episode kicked off with the chosen warriors lining up to fight for their clan’s survival. Enter Ilian, my precious favorite.

Why do I love Ilian so much? First, he’s played by Chai Hansen. If you follow Chai on Twitter and Instagram, you’ll quickly learn that he is a kind and sweet soul. Not only that, but he’s a talented actor, and this episode—as well as the ones he’s guest starred before—demonstrated that.

Two, like everyone else in the show, Ilian had lost his loved ones, but instead of taking it out on the people who wronged him, he indirectly took it out on their technology. He wanted to completely get rid of what he thought contributed to the problem and prevent it from ever happening again. (Granted, at the time, he didn’t know that Praimfaya was coming.) When he was about to be sentenced to die, he didn’t fight back. When he had a chance to escape, he didn’t come back seeking vengeance. Instead, he went home. He went back to give the future a chance, which is exactly why he joined the conclave. He was fighting for his clan’s future.

So when he was brought down by one of Echo’s arrows, my heart broke. He was a warrior, like he had told Octavia, but he still had his humanity. In a lot of ways, he reminded me of Lincoln.

“She’s gone down such a dark path since the death of Lincoln,” said Marie Avgeropoulos in an interview with TV Insider. “I think her morals and everything have become incredibly skewed this season. She hasn’t found her place once more. She’s been accompanied by Ilian, whom she has learned a lot from, but didn’t really realize she had learned anything until his last moments after Echo murdered him in the conclave—she was cheating and betrayed everybody. Yeah, I don’t think Octavia realized how dark she has really become until Ilian’s death when she recites the prayer back to him. That this is the beginning of our next journey. It didn’t seem like she was listening a lot of the time, but I think Octavia learned a lot from Ilian and his Trishanakru ways.”

Needless to say, I cried and I cried some more when he died by the hands of someone who was cheating. It hurt even more when Octavia repeated the words he had told her in the previous episode, “Do not fear death for it is only the beginning of the next journey.”

I’m going to miss seeing that smirk in this show. (Source)

The deaths of Roan and Luna were also unexpected. Talk about a double smack to the face. I knew people had to die because of the situation they all put themselves in, but being an optimistic viewer, I thought a handful of them would have survived due to some outside intervention. Nope!

The real punch to the gut? The fact that Clarke and the rest Skaikru took over the bunker behind everyone else’s backs. If the writers wanted us to hate Skaikru by the end of this episode, then they succeeded. I honestly don’t care what happens to them. The only people left who I care about were left outside days before Praimfaya—Kane, Bellamy, Indra, and Octavia.

There are two more episodes until the season finale, so here’s hoping my favorites get to safety soon because I don’t know how many more character deaths I can handle!